it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
