end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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