why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
