Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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