soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
