census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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