it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
