I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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