here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
