dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
