I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
