yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
