I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
