i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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