She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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