if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
