Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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