Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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