Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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