we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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