He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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