i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
