sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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