It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
