He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
