I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
