Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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