i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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