So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
