i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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