At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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