someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
