I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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