Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
