please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
