I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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