The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
