I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My vagina is officially offended.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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