it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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