You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
