Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
