My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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