Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
