I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
