If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
