Moan for me like Helen Keller
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
