someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
