if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
