It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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