I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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