So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
