my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
