Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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