Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
