i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
