he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
