Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
