a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
