I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
