If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
