dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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