Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
