Do you still have your period?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
