just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
