Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I smell like Dick and happiness
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
