you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We were destined to go to rehab together
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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