My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
