So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
