just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
