Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
